Phyllis Gregory

Tennessee

I grew up in a Southern Baptist church in Oklahoma. I went to GA camp, I went to Falls Creek, and I went to OBU one year. I was the perfect example of the good little Baptist girl. Still, behind closed doors, my life with my “perfect Christian parents” was anything but wonderful.

As a child, no one would have believed me if I told them the truth. Therefore, I made up a perfect life, family, childhood, and really believed it until I was 40 years old.

Southern Baptist parents who seemed perfect to the world sexually abused me.

My father was the chairman of the deacons and my mother was G.A. director. They both taught Sunday School. They did not smoke, they did not drink, they did not dance, and they were at church every time the doors were open, but they still sexually abused me.

The thing is, no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors -- whether at home or church.

I tried to get a women's support group started at a Baptist church here in Tennessee where my husband and I attended. I felt that if I had gone through all I did as a child, then other women in my church probably suffered similar childhood trauma. I was told by the pastor and educational director that I could not start a group because they did not feel there was a need for it. They really did not think other women had experienced what I had experienced.

Unfortunately, this is the mind set of many in the ministry. This is why the SBC does not want to look at the problem.

My belief is, if you run from facing and dealing with these problems that are facing our families and churches now, that just means that you yourself are a perpetrator or you have been abused and choose not to deal with it.

Just because it has not been reported does not mean it does not happen. Just because a person claims to be a Christian, or claims to be called by God to be a minister, does not mean they are perfect or do not sometimes have a dark side.

What better place for a sexual abuser to hide than in a church? Ministers and church leaders are put on pedestals and treated, many times, like gods. It is just a very safe place for predators to hide.

In Baptist churches, where appearances are everything, it is very easy for a wolf to slide in wearing sheep's clothing.

Being sexually abused by someone in the ministry or someone in church leadership is the most devastating of all abuse. You learn to doubt yourself and your perception of reality. You don't trust God, because you feel that He did not stop the abuse. You learn that appearances are what is important for church people, and not honesty and truth.

My husband and I now worship in a Methodist church. I tried forever to remain Southern Baptist, but I just could not do it. There are too many awful memories associated with churches and church people.

I am in a support group now in a Presbyterian church. Most members are former Baptists. We all have been abused by pastors, children's workers, deacons, or "perfect" Christian parents.