Anonymous

Florida

Two of my children fell prey to a local Baptist minister.

I practically grew up in the church and was deeply devoted to our pastor. Everyone who knew him loved this man and had the utmost respect for him. He was a very charismatic individual and could charm the socks off of anybody he chose to do so with. After I was married of course I introduced my husband to my church and through that ministry, he was saved. We both served in the church in many capacities, to include the nursery, Sunday school, and bus ministry etc. We remained faithful to all services for years and our children did as well.

Unfortunately, my marriage ended and the pastor then took advantage of my children during a stressful period in their young lives. This was all without my knowledge or their father’s.

I found out about my daughter’s sexual abuse for the first time back in 1992. A girl, Jane, who now of course is a woman, could not keep this inside any longer and brought this to the attention of key leaders in the church etc. which ultimately brought about my daughter’s confession as well. I think Jane being bold enough and brave enough to finally admit her abuse, gave my daughter the courage to admit to her molestation as well.

When my daughter came to me with her story, I was shocked! I could not believe what I was hearing.

Now about my son. I had NO IDEA that he too, was a victim. When the pastor was finally arrested, my adult daughter came to attend his hearing. While here she was talking to her brother about her molestation and that's when he opened up and told her that he had sat on the pastor’s lap etc. He didn't elaborate on that too much but my daughter told me about what he had told her and I began talking with my son about what he had said.

He was very cautious about talking with me and I COULD TELL IT WAS VERY HURTFUL AND PAINFUL FOR HIM, talking about the things that had happened to him by the pastor.

You might ask, why didn't either of your children mention this to anyone before now? Well, one reason is, my daughter DID try to bring it before the church back in 1992 but it was all hushed up and dealt with, or so they said. It wasn’t at all true. It was all hushed up.

About my son......while he and I were talking he got very quiet and I had to probe him and encourage him to open up with me a little at a time. He finally told me that the pastor had oral sex with him beginning when he was around 8 years of age and continuing until he was maybe 11 or so. This he kept to himself and you ask why? I mentioned that his father and I were divorced. My son knew that his father thought the world of our pastor and that he probably wouldn't believe his story. Who would take the word of a child over someone so impressive and important as this man of God? He was scared and didn't have the right words back then to express what was happening to him, so therefore he kept it to himself for all those years.

My son had NO IDEA there were so many others, to include his own sister, which actually was the catalyst that caused him to open up with me and finally tell what happened to him. Now I know why my son had exhibited such strange behavior at times. Why he never wanted to go to church. Why he got involved with drugs. Why he suffered with emotional problems throughout the years. It answered sooooooo many questions in my own mind as to why he made so many poor choices throughout his young life. He was emotionally disconnected with life. How could he make proper choices when the very person who was supposed to protect him, lead him spiritually, was abusing him?? All in the name of God!

He told my son that his father didn't love him. He said this is how you show love to someone, by having oral sex with them. He told my son that He was love. My son said he just sat there crying while this monster was having oral sex with him. He didn't know what to do and had no idea he was being sexually abused by his pastor. He knew that something didn't feel right about what was taking place but of course he wasn't old enough to understand what was taking place between he and the pastor. He just knew he felt uncomfortable with it.

So many people were abused by this man. The church had promised different individuals that the pastor would not be allowed on the property or to preach. They broke that promise time and time again and this man was allowed free rein at that church. Key leaders never once thought of the victims’ feelings in having to see this man in the pulpit time and time again.

My kids have both suffered from this throughout the years. They both have had emotional problems and I'm sure the quality of their lives has been compromised greatly! My son has suffered spiritually and doesn't trust anyone in leadership positions. He certainly doesn't trust pastors! I am constantly supporting my son and trying to encourage him spiritually but how does one undo the past and how does a parent correct the mistakes made by another?? How do I explain that it wasn't God who abused him? It gets rather confusing having to sort through everything that he had to endure because of this pastor. He wonders how a man could abuse children sexually and then stand up there and preach against sin!

I have only given highlights here and of course there are many things that I couldn't mention. How does one write about the emotional sufferings of a child, to include young adulthood, and into adult life?? There's so much to say but I think maybe you can get a glimpse into how this has had an impact on 2 children's lives. My kids are only 2 of many others who have also suffered.

I too have suffered and felt disillusion with life. I too have wondered on many occasions, who exactly CAN YOU TRUST? If you can't trust your own pastor, who is supposedly the closest thing to God, for most people anyway, then who in this world can you trust??

It reaches out it's ugly tentacles to grasp and shatter your beliefs and affects not only the victims but their family members as well. It causes a person to question God. It causes you to doubt spiritual issues. It makes you feel as if you've been abandoned by God, even though that isn't true, you still feel as if it is true! You wonder how many men standing in a pulpit are masquerading as a pastor, when in reality they are abusing children within the ministry.