Allison Moran

Washington State

The day I first looked Clergy Sex Abuse in the eye, was the loneliest day I have ever experienced. I had myself convinced that I must be the only one. Who could possibly understand what had happened to me? I lost my place of worship, my friends, my home. I looked around me, and there was nobody there. I was alone.  Or was I?

Truly, I was not alone. All around me, in states far and near, there were women, just like myself…women yearning for support, understanding, and compassion.  Their voices were crying out to be heard…listened to…believed. If one would only stop and listen, each cry for help could be heard.

Since that very lonely day, I have heard the cry of many women. I know the cry, because I too have cried. Now, these women are my support, and I am theirs. I have learned, as have they, that we are not alone. Know this…if you are feeling lonely and isolated…you are NOT alone. Your cry is heard. Just as I found arms to embrace me, you will too. Don’t give up hope….

At 37 years my senior, my Pastor sexually abused me. For four years of my life, I looked up to this man as my Pastor, my spiritual leader, my friend, my mentor, my “counselor”, and ultimately my father. My background was one of “hard knocks” and scars.  He promised me, he would be the one man, that would never hurt me. In the end, he was the one man who hurt me the deepest.

Days, weeks, months, years…the manipulation went on and on. It wasn’t confined to just me. This man groomed my husband, my children, my parents. He lied to his congregation. He lied to his family. All for the purpose of meeting his own needs.  It was never about me…about what was best for me. It was always about him.

He made me promise to keep his secret. He twisted and manipulated the situation, so that I felt bad for him fearing the loss of his “position” and his marriage.  Somehow, he managed to get me to agree to never tell another person. I kept that promise far too long. I refuse to stand by that promise now…and will share my story over and over. You are not alone. I know your pain. I know your fears. I know your anger!

Give your hurt a voice.  Share with others.  Refuse to remain silent.